“There’s nothing much to say anymore.” I don’t know what happened. It seems like a piece of log, drifted slowly by a peaceful current. It wasn’t a storm, nor was it a slight bit of rain; so to my knowledge. You wake up one morning, and realized you’re now at the other side, gaining new experiences but losing what you had. Is this how it flows in life? Every month, or every day even, you move from phase to phase. Each phase so different, that it brings a fresh tone. Yet at the same time you lose what you had from the previous point. I’m not sure if I’d rather live in yesterday, or tomorrow. Familiarity does bring much comfort. But now, the familiar has slowly become foreign, and what I thought was foreign had become familiar. The phrase “you have to give up something to get something” seems very true, even for abstract matters like passion, goals, values, friendship, and love.

To substitute – is to put a person or thing in the place of another, or very similar to replace. Does this mean that we throw the old after obtaining the new, or is it to take something to fill in the void in you after losing the old? I don’t know. But each moment will soon replace the significance of a distant past, and the current will be replaced by an unknown future. I don’t know what it holds, nor do you. But this series of substitution makes me wonder: How much of today will matter tomorrow?

Substitution – I suddenly regard it as a word of disloyalty. But how could we find strength to be steadfast to a dream that disappears at dawn? But there are also those that can never be replaced. It just leaves, and we just forget. We stand up; we move on, we learn to live without.

And when the morning dew refreshes me and gives me new meaning, I want to stay stationed forever, and ever. I don’t want to forget this instant of relief and bliss. Do I have to move ahead with the uncertainties? – Yes. But do I want to? – Maybe not. I could stay in this ecstatic moment evermore. But today will pass as the dusk arrives, followed by daybreak. Just as how history repeats over and over; will you still be here, or have you gone-by?

Will you, in the future merely be a past, or will you always be a present?


Little-Pizza

http://psy90.blogspot.com/2009/09/happy-birthday-dianne.html

You made me tear, again, in a good way. I'm getting emotional again.

Reminiscing about the past really made me wish I was there to re-live it all over again. No matter how silly we were, running around as though we were 5-year-old kids, lazing around when it comes to bath time, or just about anything, we were, in fact, really, really happy. And you were one of the reasons why I enjoyed my high-school.

Sorry for being all “emo”, I just miss you so much.  I miss how I asked you what is “6 x 2”, knowing very well the next second that it is simply “12”. I still remember the “what the heck” look you gave me. I miss watching anime together, making sushi that some-what succeed (I suppose for 14-15 year olds), playing Pictionary, cards, everything. I want to return. I miss laughing with you. I miss being young, and innocent, and that our only worry would be if we passed our History paper.

There are all these memories flowing through now.  Knowing that it is all past, somehow makes me feel a little sad, especially now not being able to see you as often as before. Probably there’s just this tiny fear of losing all these sweet thoughts, and how we are not able to create new moments due to restrictions that I just want to tear it all down.

Don't worry. I know, the past is past. The future is what we need to be optimistic look forward to. I just wanted to tell you that at times, Dianne worries as well, just like you. :)

Love you lots dear.


Little-Pizza